Organising ideas

Good version

We started climbing at the bottom of the climbing track. There was a sign showing us the way to go, so we followed the sign from the bottom of the climbing track. We put on our backpacks and gear when we arrived at the carpark. I looked at the sky and said about the stars there are a lot of stars when we were walking to the bottom of the climbing track.

Bad version

We started climbing at the bottom of the climbing track. There was a sign showing us the way to go, so we followed the sign from the bottom of the climbing track. We put on our backpacks and gear when we arrived at the carpark. I looked at the sky and said about the stars there are a lot of stars when we were walking to the bottom of the climbing track.

LI: to correct certain structure and language features in a recount. This week for writing we had to read paragraph two of Mr wongs bad recount and we had to rewrite it. The recount was really messed up. Each group had to work on a paragraph I am in Jk Rowling we had to use paragraph two Stephen King used paragraph 4 Dr Seuss used paragraph 3 Dr Dahl they used all paragraphs. For my group we had to organise our ideas into the right order.